These are the life lessons from best selling book “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie.This is one of the best book to learn effective strategies while dealing with people.
1. Don’t Criticise, Condemn or complain.
Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men. Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. To know all is to forgive all. As Dr. Johnson, an english writer said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?
Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous. There is old saying: “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof,” “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
When dealing with people, Remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Mrs. Lincoln once said “Don’t criticise them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 per cent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our friends and family when they brings happiness to us, and when talking about parenting, many people fail to encourage their children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval. The next time you enjoy delicious soup at the restaurant, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.
Cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants.Try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Do this and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was “lack of appreciation.” And I’d bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way. Many people often take their spouses so much for granted that they never let them know we appreciate them.
People sometimes became invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.
“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash. This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether you are dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees.
Let us know about what do you do to handle people in the comments section below.